Most people imagine abuse as something loud or physical, something that happens in front of you. Digital abuse does not fit that image. It lives inside small moments. A text that sounds sweet at first. A message that becomes demanding. A partner who says they “just want to check in” but starts checking everything.

It often begins slowly, so slowly that you doubt yourself before you doubt the other person. You might hear things like “I only ask because I care about you” or “why would you need privacy if you love me.” It sounds harmless at first. It even sounds affectionate. But gradually the balance shifts until your phone stops feeling like yours.

You start replying quickly because you are scared not to. You think twice before posting something online in case the questions start. You delete messages not because you want to, but because you know someone might scroll through them. You downplay your worry because nothing dramatic has happened, but your body tells the truth every time the screen lights up.

For some people the control becomes much more frightening. Threats to share intimate photos. Someone constantly tracking where you are. Someone messaging nonstop until you feel sick from the vibration of your phone. Someone pretending to be you online. Someone watching every move you make, even when you are nowhere near them.

There may be no bruises, but digital abuse can leave people living on high alert, afraid of mistakes that should not matter, trying to predict and prevent someone else’s behaviour. It can feel isolating and embarrassing to talk about because it does not look like the version of abuse we usually see on TV. That silence is exactly what keeps so many people stuck.

If technology that once made you feel connected now makes you feel anxious, controlled or scared, that is not love. If someone is using phones, apps or social media to frighten you, manipulate you or punish you, that is abuse. It does not matter whether the person says they love you. It does not matter whether they blame jealousy, insecurity or alcohol. There is no excuse for online abuse.

You deserve to feel safe when you pick up your phone. You deserve privacy without being questioned. You deserve peace in your mind, not fear in your stomach.

You do not have to reach out today. You do not need to have the right words or the full story. Support is here whenever you are ready.

Support if you need it

The organisations below can help if someone is using technology to control, threaten or monitor you. You do not need proof, you do not need to report to the police first, and you will be listened to without judgement.

• Revenge Porn Helpline
  Help if someone is threatening to share, or has shared, intimate images without your consent.
  Phone: 0345 6000 459
  Email: help@revengepornhelpline.org.uk
• Paul Lavelle Foundation
  Support for men and boys who are experiencing domestic abuse including online and digital abuse.
  Support Line: 0151 651 3777
  General Enquiries: 0151 294 4176
  Email: info@paullavellefoundation.co.uk
• LGBT Foundation
  Support for LGBTQ+ people affected by abuse including threats, intimidation and outing online.
  Visit: lgbt.foundation and click “Domestic Abuse Support” for direct contact
• Refuge
  Support for women and children experiencing domestic abuse including digital abuse.
  24-hour Freephone Helpline: 0808 2000 247

If you ever feel in immediate danger, call 999.

You are not alone.
Whenever you are ready, support is ready too.